can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
