i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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