I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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