I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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