But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
