fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
