I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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