the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
