is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
