so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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