New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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