she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
