So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
