STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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