I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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