Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
