he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
