The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
