can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
