if only i could text you this smell
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
