Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
