Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize