i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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