it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize