I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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