I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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