I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
