You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
