wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
