I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
