he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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