I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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