this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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