We won't sleep together?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
