I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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