I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
