cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize