he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
