Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
