there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
