On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
