Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
