do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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