Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
