First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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