she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
