seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
