I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
