he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
