oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
