Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize