he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
