it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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