Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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