At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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