Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
