Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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