official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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