I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
