Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
