Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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