why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i out mim tonsoeep
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
