I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
