you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
