Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
