he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize