my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
