Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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