Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
