Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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