Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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