i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize