NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
