So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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