I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
