Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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