he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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