I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize