Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
