p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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