There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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