i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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