Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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