I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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