Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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