i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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