I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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