..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
