My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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