just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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