so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
