But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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