Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
