Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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