so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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