come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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