I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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