no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
