Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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